


Sense Memory

by hunnyfresh



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-22
Updated: 2013-06-24
Packaged: 2017-12-12 16:08:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/813451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hunnyfresh/pseuds/hunnyfresh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Greg gets back at Regina not by torturing her, but Emma. The shocks and a magic-restraining disease seeps into her brain, slowly shutting it down causing her to lose her senses one by one as Regina is forced to watch her girlfriend die.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Once Upon a Time or any recognizable characters.
> 
> AN: WARNING! This is not a happy story! Also, my expertise of the brain falls under psychology, so I'm probably wrong about anything medical. In this universe, Regina and Emma have been together for some time, and instead of Regina being tortured, it's Emma, and the repercussions are awful.
> 
> TW for electroshock torture.

**Prologue**

"Is she going to be okay?" Regina asked frantically as soon as Dr. Whale stepped out of Emma's hospital room.

The doctor sighed, making Snow gasp sharply, holding a hand to her mouth as David held her back. Henry's eyes widened, while Regina stepped forward, forcing the doctor to stare at her.

"I don't know."

* * *

_Greg cranked up the volume of the electroshock machine, not even settling to ease the blonde into her pain. Pulling the lever, he watched as Emma's body convulsed, her fists clenched and her back arched off the table before providing her a moment of relief. His eyes, what were once hopeful and bright as a child, were now darkened with lust for power and control. On the table he had the person the Mayor of Storybrooke held so dear. An eye for an eye was his motto, and over the weeks of his visit, he had noticed this interesting little couple around town, this magical town that Tamara was eagerly willing to help expose._

_Regina took his father, so he was going to take her lover. The only difference was that he'd make her watch._

_He pulled the lever again, cynically grinning at the blonde's attempts to ground out her screams only to let it release half a second later. The guttural cry reverberated off the concrete walls of the cannery, the cry falling on ears that only wished to cause her more pain. He paused the machine and hovered over her, malice and joy contorted on his face._

_Emma, her body already slick with sweat, her knuckles white, and tiny crescent shaped indents pierced permanently into her palms from squeezing so tightly, glared up at him, not giving him the satisfaction of begging for release. Instead she mustered up all the strength she could and spat on him._

" _She's going to kill you," Emma promised as Greg wiped the saliva off of his cheek. "You think she was bad before? Kill me and see what she does."_

_The man simply laughed and returned to his machine. "I'm not going to kill you, Sheriff Swan. Not me at least."_

_He pulled the lever down._

* * *

"What do you mean you don't know?" Regina all but yelled.

Whale stuttered, running his hand through his hair in an attempt to explain. "We did all the tests we could on her."

"What's wrong with my mom?" Henry asked worriedly coming to sidle up with Regina.

Regina didn't give the man the chance to speak when she saw Emma sit up through the glass window and pushed past him, Henry and the Charmings not far behind.

"Emma," Regina breathed out coming to the blonde's side before she could sit up completely. She gently swatted the younger woman's hands away when they tried to take off the bandages that wrapped her temple and head, a sizable burn engrained in her flesh.

The blonde coughed violently, her mouth dry and her limbs weak from underuse and strenuous electrical exposure. Regina immediately handed her the Dixie cup of water that was sitting on her bedside and helped tilt the cup back letting the blonde drink greedily. When Emma pulled back gently, Regina replaced the now empty cup, her hand unconsciously gripping Emma's.

"He didn't hurt you? Tamara?" Emma asked the brunette, her voice hoarse.

Regina shook her head and whispered. "They're dead."

* * *

_Emma lay limp on the cold steel table. Her clothes were slick with her sweat, her muscles unable to clench or tense any longer. She didn't know how long she had been in Greg's presence. All she knew was that the man, with the help of Tamara, attached more wires to her head, methodically and strategically placed laterally across her skull. The wires were clearly something special what with their excited chatter, but Emma couldn't register what they were saying. All she knew was that she had to hold on. Hold on long enough for someone to find her._

_The tears were flowing of their own accord, but she never sniffled. She never sobbed or cried out for mercy. She knew Greg and Tamara were bad news as soon as they came into town taking a particular interest in Regina, but Emma was prepared to suffer any sort of consequence if it meant the brunette woman would remain unharmed. She shut her eyes, bit her lip, focused on the faint drip-drip noise of an old pipe, and let the smell of the fish distract her from the inevitable._

_No matter how much she prepared, the pain only seemed to get worse._

* * *

Emma shut her eyes in relief, leaning back against the pillows finding solace in the warmth of Regina's thumb stroking the back of her hand. She lifted her other hand, not needing to look but felt grateful when Henry took it, squeezing it tightly.

"Emma," Whale's voice sounded softly. The concern in it made Emma's eyes snap open. "How do you feel?"

The blonde shrugged. "Like a really, really bad hangover. My body feels like jelly."

The doctor nodded before turning his attention to a nurse coming in to hand him some scans. He held two of them up to the light, his brow furrowed before he brought it back down and motioned to the people in the room. "I'd like a moment with the patient, please."

"We're her parents," Snow began saying.

"And she is a capable adult," Whale reminded the petite woman. "This is confidential."

David stepped up to him, glaring fiercely at the doctor. "Ten minutes, Whale."

David led Snow out before extending an arm for Henry to follow. The boy kissed his mother's cheek giving well wishes before he ran after his grandparents.

"Regina-" the man began.

"I'm staying," the brunette insisted, moving to sit on the edge of Emma's bed, their fingers firmly clasped together.

"It's fine," Emma reassured Dr. Whale, noticing the man fidget and turn to the light board on the wall and place the scans on it.

"We took scans of your brain, Emma," the doctor began. He pointed to the one on the left. "This was your brain a couple months ago. Normal. Active." He pointed to the right one, noticeably smaller valleys of brain tissue folded in on each other. "This is your brain as of last night."

The blonde gulped, not blind at seeing the difference. "Is that bad?"

Dr. Whale scratched his head. "It's expected. Quite frankly after what you've been through it should be worse."

"So it's a good sign then?" Regina asked, her tone indicating his answer better be in the affirmative.

He stared between the two women before removing the CT scans and replacing them with fMRIs. He pointed to a noticeably darkened area of the right scan, still showing quite a bit activity, but not like the full burst of colour in the scan beside it. "This is the sensory motor strip. Something is preventing information to be sent or received from there."

Emma's eyes zoned in on the darkened image, comparing it to the other quite colourful one. "What does that mean?"

"It means," the doctor sighed, "not only did you receive a larger than tolerably possible dose of electromagnetic shocks directed specifically to your brain, but it seems like  _magic_  is slowly blocking off your sensory stimulation center, and by the looks of it, it's expanding."

Regina gasped, squeezing Emma's hand tightly. The blonde looked up at Regina, confusion written all over her tired and weary face. Regina simply held Whale's gaze, fire burning in her eyes ready to shoot the messenger. "You mean-"

He looked directly at Emma. "Your brain will shut down, starting with your senses. And at that point-"

Emma didn't hear the doctor's words. She simply gazed at the images of the fMRI scans in disbelief. She barely registered the fact that Regina had released her hand and stomped over to Whale, yelling at him and demanding he do more tests. Despite her girlfriend's screams, Whale's words reverberated in her slowly decaying brain.

_Your brain will shut down, starting with your senses._


	2. Taste

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One

Regina had been doting on Emma ever since she was discharged from the hospital. The brunette had yelled at every doctor and nurse demanding they find a solution. It was only due to Emma's insistent reassurance that she was fine did Regina cool down.

But now, being home and having Regina treat her as if she were Rapunzel, locked away in a tower - quite frankly she wouldn't be surprised if the brunette placed her in a plastic bubble - Emma was beginning to get more than a little irritated.

"How are you feeling?" Regina asked for nth time in only so many days.

Emma looked up from washing her dish before drying her hands on the dish towel. "Regina," she said softly. "I'm fine."

"Dr. Whale said-"

Emma reached to grab for the older woman's hand. "I know what he said, but aside from a little headache, I don't feel that bad. Honestly. If anything seems off you'll be the first to know."

Brown eyes searched green in worry and trepidation before Emma tugged her close, wrapping around her completely. Instinctively, Regina's arms wrapped around the younger woman's waist, her chin nuzzled into her shoulder.

"See?" Emma whispered, her fingertips stroking up and down Regina's back smirking proudly at the shudders she was still able to elicit from the older woman. "You can feel me." Regina's fingernails dug deep into Emma's flesh in an attempt to pull her close. "I can feel you."

She pulled back slightly to rest her forehead against Regina's, grasping the older woman's hands from her waist and moving them around her neck. "I can see your eyes." She placed a gentle kiss over each lid before pressing her lips against brown locks and keeping them there, inhaling deeply. "I can smell the lavender and vanilla shampoo you use." She let her hips hover down the brunette's face before capturing plump lips between her own, smiling at the breathless gasp Regina released. "I can taste you," she grinned slightly. "French vanilla?"

"Just a splash," Regina admitted.

"See?" Emma said again, releasing her hold on the brunette but keeping their hands clasped. "I'm fine. Whale's machines can't even detect magic anyway. He probably just wants something to blame since his science can't."

Regina nodded trying her best to look comforting. When the blonde led them out of the kitchen and into the living room, Regina pulled back, forcing Emma to look at her.

She glanced down shyly, still battling internal demons despite how long they had been together. If any of her past relationships taught her anything, it was that time was of the essence and nothing was permanent. The looming possibility that she could lose Emma in any way, shape or form remained in the back of her mind despite the blonde's insistence. She finally looked up under her lashes and spoke confidently if not quietly. "I love you."

Emma grinned rewarding the older woman with a firm kiss to the lips. "That I heard."

Regina rolled her eyes, taking the lead on tugging them into the living room where they sat, resting comfortably for the first time in days.

* * *

"So everything's okay, now?" Henry asked Emma three weeks later.

Truth be told, Emma didn't know what everyone was so worried about. Sure, the shock of Dr. Whale's news paralyzed her, but after weeks of feeling better, normal really with the occasional headache, she had come to the conclusion that the good doctor was over exaggerating.

"Perfect, kid," Emma promised with a smile. The boy looked skeptical, so she stood from their spot on the couch and tugged him up. "I'll prove it. You wanted to learn soccer right?"

* * *

Regina watched from the kitchen, slicing up lemons and squeezing them into a juicer, as Emma and Henry kicked around a soccer ball in their backyard. Despite her constant worries, she had to admit that Emma went about her business as if she wasn't nearly tortured to death.

Day after day, the blonde insisted that that she was fine, and with every day that passed where Emma would go to work as per usual, have her coffee and bear claw as per usual, and return to the mansion distracting Henry from homework or Regina from cooking as per usual. A little part of her was hoping that all of the blonde's reassurances were true, but due to her nature she couldn't fully succumb to blind faith.

She focused harder on the juice coming out of the machine, anything to get her mind off of Emma's condition.

"Hey," the blonde in question said interrupting her thoughts.

There was a grin on Emma's face, and if Regina didn't know any better, judging by Emma's physique in her jogging shorts and tank, she'd say the younger woman was fit as a fiddle.

"What are you doing? Come outside," Emma said sidling up to the brunette.

Regina playfully rolled her eyes as she added sugar and sliced lemons to the pitcher of lemonade. "If I recall I was sent inside because you two were 'dying of thirst'."

"Yeah that was like fifteen minutes ago," the blonde replied dispensing ice from the fridge into a bowl.

"Mmm well you two are filthy and sweaty, so I hardly see the appeal in hurrying," the brunette quipped accepting the bowl and pouring the ice into the lemonade.

She was stirring the juice when she felt slick arms wrap around her middle and Emma's hot breath on her ear. "You could get sweaty with me tonight."

Regina snorted out a laugh before turning in Emma's arms effectively trapped between the younger woman and the kitchen island. "Is that your attempt to woo me?"

"Hasn't it been working?" the blonde smirked as Regina laced her hands around Emma's neck.

Before Emma could connect their lips, Regina ducked from her grasp grabbing the pitcher and heading towards the backyard. She threw a casual look behind her, her lips twitching saucily. "Find out tonight."

* * *

For another month, the story of what happened to the town's Sheriff and Saviour soon died down what with many of the citizens seeing the blonde out and about, picking up Henry from school, going to work, or having dinner Regina and their son.

None of them realized, and Emma refused to noticed, that with each passing day, the blonde was experiencing a shortness of breath that she was attributing to one too many bear claws. No one thought it was strange that Emma was becoming a salt-fiend, using the extra kick on nearly everything from burgers to vegetables. Regina simply factored it to Emma's atrocious diet, while Emma contested that she had a thing for salty foods.

Regardless, their lives continued on as relatively normal as any person's could be living in a town infested with fairy tale characters.

On this particular Thursday however, no different from any other Thursday, as per usual, Emma went to work, but this time she skipped the coffee and bear claw deeming today would be the day that she'd start a serious exercise and diet regime. At 6 o'clock precisely, the blonde clocked out, heading into her bug and driving back to Mifflin.

She was more than a little excited when upon entering, the smell of Regina's lasagna wafted through the air, beckoning Emma to come. Following her nose, the Sheriff removed herself of her jacket before entering the kitchen where she was greeted by Regina using a heeled foot to shut the oven door and placed a steaming platter of lasagna on a cooling rack.

Emma simply stood in the doorway, inhaling the intoxicating aroma that was Regina's cooking. "God, I can't wait to eat."

Regina raised an eyebrow. "Hello to you too."

The blonde smiled making her way over to the brunette and placed a kiss to her temple before stealing a fork from the drawer and poking at the pasta. Her hand was quickly swatted away by Regina, and the blonde was rewarded with a stern gaze.

"Call Henry down, and then we can eat," the brunette promised.

Emma pouted, but Regina simply motioned her head to direct the blonde upstairs. As soon as Emma had returned to the dining room with Henry in tow, Regina had already set the table and plated dinner - a large slice of lasagna complete with garlic bread and salad.

Emma waited impatiently for Henry to sit, the boy was directed by his brunette mother to wash up, and as soon as he did, Emma dived into the pasta, bypassing the salad that was clearly meant to come first. She forked a generous piece into her mouth and chewed, expecting the kick from the red pepper flakes mixed in with the goodness of Regina's homemade tomato sauce.

It never came.

The blonde swallowed hard and forked another bite into her mouth chewing slowly this time, her brow furrowed in concentration. As she continued chewing, all she could taste was blandness, something consisting of no flavour and only felt the food slide down her throat. Swallowing hard again, she cleared her throat. "Can you pass the salt?"

Both Regina and Henry stopped their conversation to look skeptically at her. "For what, dear?"

Emma glanced down at her meal before looking back up quickly. "I have a salt tooth."

Henry gaped at her in disbelief while Regina continued to stare at her, brown eyes boring into the younger woman's face who refused to meet Regina's gaze.

Reluctantly the brunette handed over the salt shaker and watched as Emma sprinkled more than her fair share of salt over everything. She watched as the younger woman took another bite of the pasta, realizing now that Emma hadn't moaned out in satisfaction like she usually did whenever Regina made her famous recipe. Instead the blonde's face contorted in confusion as she chewed slowly. The look of contemplation remained on her face when she bit into the garlic bread and stabbed at her salad, her demeanour becoming more and more despondent.

By the time the blonde had downed her glass of red wine, swishing it around in her mouth before making a disgusted face, Regina set down her cutlery and stood. "Emma, kitchen?"

Regina threw Henry a look that he was expected to stay and finish his dinner as she sauntered into the kitchen, Emma following half a minute later.

Emma didn't know why she felt like she was in trouble, but a strange mixture of loss and shame churned deep in her stomach. Her mouth was already open to speak as soon as the swinging door behind her calmed.

"Close your eyes," Regina instructed interrupting Emma's thoughts.

"What?" The blonde asked dumbfounded as Regina cut an orange in half and then into quarters.

She turned to face Emma. "Your eyes. Shut them."

Sighing Emma did as she was told, shutting her eyes firmly.

"Bite," Regina said softly when Emma felt the flesh of the orange against her lips. She bit down, expecting the tangy sweet and sour flavour of the orange but instead felt the juices explode in her mouth and trickle down her throat as easily as water.

"What do you taste?" She heard the older woman ask. The concern and worry in her voice was unmistakable.

"An orange," Emma answered obviously, her eyes still closed. "Sweet. Juicy."

There was a moment of silence that hung between them. "Regina?"

The blonde peaked an eye open to see the brunette's wide brown eyes staring up at her. In her hand was a quartered lemon, teeth marks embedded in the flesh as the orange Regina had cut remained untouched on the counter.

"I-"

"How long?"

Emma ran her hand through golden locks, ashamed at herself and unable to meet the older woman's gaze. She shrugged noncommittally. "Things have been off for a few days now."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Regina stepped closer angrily, tossing the lemon on the counter. "You said if anything changed you would tell me."

The blonde closed the distance between them, her hands coming to rest on Regina's biceps to steady the frantic woman. "I didn't think it was anything."

"Emma, you can't taste anything. You ate a lemon like it was nothing when you can't even have a glass of lemonade without half a cup of sugar." Regina pointed out. "What else aren't you telling me?"

Green eyes searched brown, apologetic and sincere. When she spoke, her head dropped to the ground, ashamed to admit a fault in herself. "It's hard to breathe sometimes."

Regina tugged the blonde's head up, forcing the younger woman to look at her as she continued to speak. "I told you I'm gonna be fine, and I didn't want you to be sad because of a cough."

"It might not just be a cough, Emma." Regina said exasperated. "It could be-" she choked on her words, unable to voice the reality that was looming over them.

"No." Emma pulled the older woman into a tight hug when brown eyes watered. "It's not that. We'll go see Dr. Whale tomorrow, and he'll probably say I have a sinus infection or something."

The brunette simply nodded against the crook of Emma's neck. The blonde held tightly, a hand weaved through silky dark locks while the other kept Regina pressed flushed against her, their bodies moulding together.

"I promise," Emma whispered, unconsciously memorizing the way Regina's nails dug into her flesh as she held her close.

Despite her excuse, the doctor's words resonated in Emma's mind for the first time in over a month. Her gaze zeroed in on the lemon sitting on the counter, glaring at it as if it were the cause of all her problems.


	3. Smell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One
> 
> AN: Thank you, you brave souls, for sticking with this story and following and subscribing to it. You are all truly amazing!

Smell

Emma sat on the examination table, Regina leaning against it with her arms folded staring intently at Dr. Whale as he pointed to Emma's recent brain scans.

"It's progressing," Whale said ominously, pointing to a specific part of Emma's brain that had darkened showing next to no activity.

"How can you even tell?" Emma asked skeptically.

Whale ruffled through a file cabinet and pulled out a textbook, flipping to the sensory homunculus. He pointed to the area that corresponded with the tongue. "This area is the one that's darkened."

"How do you know it's magic?" Regina questioned.

"What else can it be?"

"Everything else in the world," the blonde woman answered angrily.

"Emma-" Dr. Whale said more comforting than either of the woman had heard him speak before.

"No." The blonde slid off the table grabbing her jacket again. "People lose their sense of taste all the time, and if you're really going to sit here and tell me it's magic, then you're a terrible doctor."

Regina and Whale watched as Emma stormed out of the room, the brunette throwing a sideways glance at the doctor as he shifted from side to side.

"How long does she have?" Regina asked quietly avoiding eye contact.

The doctor shrugged. "It's not just her senses. She's having trouble breathing?"

The brunette nodded.

"When her brain shuts down-"

Regina shut her eyes, grounded her teeth and nodded curtly. "I understand doctor."

"Regina," the doctor soothed in an attempt to comfort, tugging on the brunette woman's arm before she left. "You might want to consider having her admitted as it progresses."

The woman glared, ripping her arm away before stalking out of the room.

* * *

Regina found Emma already sitting in her beetle in the driver's seat, but instead of getting into the car, the brunette went over to the blonde's side and opened the door. "I'm driving."

Emma stared up at her then snorted. "Yeah right you want to drive my bug."

She attempted to close the door, but Regina held it open, her hand held out for the blonde to step out.

"Regina," Emma said testily. "I can't taste. That doesn't mean I can't drive."

"Emma," the brunette lowered her voice, pleading.

The blonde sighed and got out of the car earning herself a grateful squeeze from the brunette.

After switching positions, the ride back to the mansion was silent and tense. Emma stared out the window, grinding her teeth while Regina held tightly onto the steering wheel, ignoring the backfire of the beetle.

"It's not that bad," Emma said after a long moment of silence. "I mean I'm the product of True Love, what magic can stop mine?"

Regina tensed uneasily at the wheel.

"Regina," Emma said finally turning to face the brunette. "We'll beat this, okay?"

"How?" The older woman turned, her eyes fiery.

"I haven't thought of that yet," the blonde admitted sheepishly.

Regina turned into their driveway, rushing out to help Emma before the blonde could step out.

"I can walk," Emma said far too angrily than she intended.

Regina's lips thinned at her rejected help before she dropped Emma's arm and stomped towards the door.

"Regina-" Emma began but stopped when the brunette stormed back towards her.

"You think this is some joke, don't you?" Regina spit. "That if you pretend or run away from the problem it'll go away?"

Emma stood dumbfounded as Regina continued yelling at her.

"You're  _sick_ , Emma." Regina's eyes began to water. "You're  _dying_. I'm not going to sit here pretending like it isn't happening just because you're too scared to deal with it. You're not the only one scared!"

"Hey," the blonde said stepping onto the porch engulfing the older woman in a tight hug.

Regina resisted for just a moment before she finally succumbed to the warmth that was Emma.

The blonde nuzzled her head against the older woman's, her fingers tangled into brown locks while keeping her firmly pressed against her. She shut her eyes, for the first time letting the unsettling fear creep into her mind before she inhaled deeply once, twice. The scent of Regina's perfume was intoxicating. The mixture of vanilla and lavender flooded her nostrils in the best ways. For a brief moment, she feared what it would be like to never smell her again. She pushed the thought away, determined not to let that be the case.

Pulling back, she wiped the tears that the older woman allowed to fall with the pads of her thumbs. "We'll figure a way around it."

"Emma-" Regina sighed exasperated.

"I'm not saying it's not there," the blonde clarified locking intently with brown eyes. "But I'm not going down without a fight."

* * *

Emma stared longingly at the burger Charming was consuming, watching as the condiments oozed from the bottom as her father took a bite. She looked down at her own plate of grilled cheese, knowing how good it would taste if she  _could_  taste and bit into it sullenly, the cardboard nothingness sliding down her throat.

She had lost her appetite when she realized she couldn't taste anything the week prior, but Regina all but force fed her to eat even if the blonde claimed she wasn't hungry. Emma needed the calories, and judging by her tiredness as of late, she knew she needed them too.

Snow and Blue were talking animatedly in Snow's kitchen, stealing sideways glances at the Saviour every so often. Emma and Regina had tried True Love's Kiss, but it wasn't a curse Emma was afflicted with. When they pulled back from their kiss, although many kisses had been shared previously - the thought that intentionally using their magic could prevail, the crestfallen look on either women was just too much to bear. It was something deep inside her that even Blue didn't know if she could draw out.

The fairy approached Emma slowly, her wand at the ready. "Are you ready to try?"

The blonde stood from the table. "I've been ready."

"I'll do my best," Blue assured the King and Queen before hovering her wand over Emma's temple.

The blonde eyed the wand, remembering the last time she saw it was when the former nun before her turned a wooden man back into a child.  _Oh god, what if she reverses time and I become a kid again?_

Emma gulped watching the fluorescent blue magic shimmer over her skull before an aura around her turned white gold then finally fiery red. The fairy's hand shook and before she could whip her hand away the wand took on the fiery red glow before losing its light and clattering uselessly to the floor.

Snow gasped and David stood as the four adults eyed fallen wand.

"Is it gone?" Emma asked nervously, feeling her head as if a sign would provide the answer.

Blue looked at the wand, now nothing more than a plastic stick, her mouth agape. "Whatever's inside you, it's killing your magic."

Emma held herself uncertainly. "What does that mean?"

Blue looked up ominously motioning her head to the magic-less object beneath them. "You are made from magic, Emma. It flows through every part of you, mind, body, and soul."

* * *

Regina noticed Emma had been on edge ever since she arrived back from her parents' place. Before leaving the blonde had been confident that Blue could fix it, but now seeing her lover in a jittery state, the brunette wasn't so certain. She didn't want to push. She didn't want to pry. All that she offered Emma when she returned to the mansion was the place in between her arms as the blonde silently held on to the older woman as if she were a life line.

* * *

Three days later, Emma woke wrapped around a very naked brunette, the thin satin sheet around her waist doing little to hide the indecency from the night before. Every touch and every kiss from Regina felt magnified, the blonde feeling Regina give her everything as if she would whither away before her eyes. She leaned over, placed a featherlight kiss on Regina's shoulder before slipping out of bed to make breakfast.

Moderately dressed and in the kitchen, Emma took out a carton of eggs, bacon, bread, and milk. She put the coffee on and waited for the skillet to heat.

"Morning," Regina's sultry voice sounded from the doorway. "I thought we agreed you'd stay out of my kitchen."

Emma snorted pouring two cups of coffee and adding milk and sugar to both all while maintaining eye contact with the brunette. "Here I thought I was being chivalrous by making you coffee."

Regina rolled her eyes playfully before nudging the blonde away from the stove. Emma leaned back, enjoying the sight of Regina cracking eggs into the pan with one hand, making cooking look both like an art and downright sexy. She inhaled her coffee, wondering if Henry had picked up the wrong coffee beans but shrugged. Coffee was coffee. She drank a healthy amount, her face contorting in displeasure as soon as the liquid slid down her throat, her stomach churning uneasily.

"Problem, dear?" Regina asked.

Emma looked to her mug. "I think Henry got the wrong coffee."

"Impossible, he knows which one to get." Regina picked up her own mug and held it under her nose, and with first contact, pulled the coffee mug away from her.

"What?" Emma asked already taking another sip.

Regina grabbed Emma's mug from her and poured it down the sink. "Didn't you smell that?"

"Yeah, the beans weren't very strong," Emma answered confused.

Regina shook her head and grabbed the milk carton still sitting on the counter and began pouring it down the sink.

Emma raised her eyebrows confused watching the white liquid fall into the sink until she began to see the clumps in the milk, a tell-tale sign the dairy had spoiled.

"You didn't taste that?" Regina asked before she could stop herself.

Emma shook her head looking crestfallen. The good mood she had woken up with evaporated. "No."

"Emma," Regina tried to comfort but the blonde shook her head, needing the time to be alone.

* * *

The door to the pawn shop banged open, the tiny bell over the door jingling much too merrily for Emma's liking. "Gold!"

Lacey sauntered out, dressed in knee high boots, cropped skirt, and deep blue halter top leaving nothing to the imagination. "Problem, Sheriff?"

"Where's Gold?" Emma dismissed the younger woman's question.

Rumpelstiltskin appeared from the back room looking at Emma as if he already knew what she was there for. "So she lives. For now."

"Can you help me?" Emma asked, approaching the counter desperately. Her hands gestured wildly and her brow slick with sweat, evidence that she had run all the way to the shop. "I- I- I need a spell or a potion or a freaking lobotomy or something."

The old man looked at her forlornly, eyeing the scantily clad woman beside him. "Some things are irreversible."

The blonde shook her head, tears threatening to spill. "That's impossible. Don't you have magic?"

Gold had the decency to look apologetic. "I'd suggest you take what you're given and work with it for as long as you can."

* * *

Emma had been gone all day, and by lunch, Regina and Henry had been out frantically looking for her. By evening, they had rounded up quite the search party to look for their Saviour. Regina was worried sick but begrudgingly agreed when David and Snow suggested she take Henry home and that they would call her if they found Emma.

"What if she's hurt?" Henry asked with sad eyes. "What if she drinks something and it's poisoned or if there's a fire and she can't smell it or what if she's already gone blind and-"

"Henry," Regina said sternly. She shut her eyes, the possibilities her son had voiced were already prevalent in the brunette's mind. "We'll find her. Go warm up some leftovers, I'll be with you in a moment."

The boy unwillingly went, leaving his brunette mother alone in the foyer where she checked her phone for the millionth time, hoping to hear from Emma. When she came up with nothing, she headed straight for her office in sore need of a drink. It was there in the darkness did she notice the gllint of a tumbler caught in the reflection of the moonlight as it sat on her desk.

Regina shut the door then turned on the solitary lamp, relieved and angry to find Emma simply sitting on her office desk. "Where the hell have you been?"

The blonde looked up with bloodshot eyes, her cheeks stained red. "I'm scared."

All anger dissipated and soon Regina strode across the room and held Emma's face in between her hands. Her own eyes resembling the blonde's as they stared vulnerable at each other.

"Where were you?" Regina asked softly this time.

Emma's arms wrapped around Regina's waist, pulling the older woman in between her legs. "I went to Gold's."

Regina's eyes flashed.

"I know. I wasn't supposed to," Emma mumbled. "I just-" She looked down unconsciously digging her nails into Regina's hips pulling her closer. "This can't be it."

The brunette held her quivering lip and pressed fevered kisses all over Emma's face.

"I was at the Rabbit Hole," Emma admitted. "But I didn't want to waste any more time being there getting drunk killing my liver faster."

She lifted her head connecting her lips with Regina's in a desperate kiss. "I want to remember you in any way I can for as long as I can. I want to be normal for as long as possible."

Regina pressed their foreheads together, her hands clutching desperately at the back of Emma's neck. Even in the dim light Regina could see the brightness fade from once sparkling green eyes, the hollowness of the younger woman's cheeks, and the double breathing as she took more of an effort to get air in.

Regina could cry, but right now Emma needed her to be the strong one. She needed to let the blonde know that nothing could change their relationship. She pulled back, wiping away the tears from Emma's cheeks then pulled her up to stand. "Then come have dinner with your family."


	4. Touch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One
> 
> AN: This chapter earns the story its M-rating. I really appreciate all of you have stuck through this story despite its content. You guys are truly amazing!

Emma did her best to continue living normally in her everyday life, but as her appetite dwindle, the pressure in her brain throbbed, and her muscles weakened, the blonde found that most days she didn't even want to get out of bed.

Some days she did stay in bed, but she found she was never without company. On those days when the blonde just wanted to curl up into a ball and hide under the duvet, Regina would sidle out from under their sheets, shut the thick dark brown drapes preventing the light from seeping in and return to bed cuddling with the blonde for hours.

It was one of those days when Emma woke up to the sleeping face of her brunette lover. She could very well move up and about, the growl of her stomach urging her to do so, but Emma felt pulled towards Regina and sidled closer to the sleeping woman.

No longer could she smell the vanilla and lavender scent the older woman gave off, and no matter how much she pressed her nose further into Regina's neck, nothing could reclaim her smell. She couldn't taste Regina whenever they kissed, but she revelled in the feeling from the pressure of their duelling tongues.

She pressed her lips against Regina's forehead, letting her top lip leave a wet trail from her forehead down her temple to the side of her jaw. She grinned against soft flesh when the older woman stirred in her sleep, subconsciously pulling Emma towards her.

Keeping still so not to wake her just yet, Emma rubbed her palm up the brunette's bare arm, olive flesh prickling from her touch. Her hand weaved into brown locks feeling the soft, silky hair caress her fingers.

"Mmmm," Regina breathed out softly, her neck craning up towards Emma.

"Morning," Emma whispered bringing her jaw against Regina's.

Regina wound her fingers underneath Emma's tank, her fingers grazing her spine causing Emma's own skin to pebble at the sensation. "Good morning."

"I don't wanna go to work today," Emma whispered, bringing the duvet over both of them in a makeshift cocoon.

Regina's eyes snapped open. "Are you okay? Do you have another headache?"

Emma smiled softly, pushing the older woman down onto the mattress. "I just want to play hooky."

Regina smirked, glancing up at the blonde under her lashes. Removing a hand from under her shirt, she pressed a palm against Emma's cheek. "I'm not opposed to that."

"Look at that. I've become a bad influence on you." The blonde chuckled leaning against the older woman's palm while attempting to keep the duvet up as a tent. Her eyes closed and she sighed dejectedly.

"What is it?" Regina asked softly.

Green eyes opened, glassy and wide. "I don't want to stop feeling this."

She took Regina's free hand and peppered kisses across each finger, scattering them over her palm and wrist before claiming the brunette's lips, humming contently against it.

Regina grinned into the blonde's mouth. "Where's your favourite spot?"

The blonde peaked an eye open as Regina's free hand traveled southward. She shivered, her eyes fluttering shut again as Regina's searching fingers cupped Emma's breast, her thumb roving over an already taut nipple. "Right there." She whispered breathily.

"Mhmm." Regina sat up enveloping her breast through the tank, the wetness making the material see-through. Her hand continued its journey downwards, her nails scraping over Emma's abs making the blonde's stomach quiver.

"No, there," Emma groaned into Regina's touch.

The brunette smirked removing the duvet from over their heads and pinned the blonde to the mattress in one fluid motion. She lifted the tank and immediately placed her lips where her hand was, licking around Emma's navel, dipping her tongue into the younger woman's belly button. "Here?"

Emma bit her lip, nodding her head back into the pillow. She eased her legs open to better accommodate the brunette settled between them and sat up to shrug out of her tank before falling back when Regina sunk her teeth into her hips.

Her hips sprang up eager for more contact when Regina's hands caressed up and down Emma's bare thighs, her right hand digging her nails into the juncture where the blonde's thigh met her core while her left hand teased lazily over Emma's wet panties.

Emma's hand shot to Regina's head, tangling into thick brown locks as she thrust her hips up in anticipation. "No. There."

Regina grinned into the flesh she had bitten, licking the small red marks her teeth had made before she moved her head lower, her fingers tucked into the waist band of Emma's panties. "This is your favourite?"

"Yes," she breathed out, sitting up on her elbows to meet the brown sultry gaze that shone up at her.

The brunette tugged on Emma's panties, removing the wet fabric and tossing it to the side of the bed carelessly. She peppered kisses just above the blonde's pelvis, lapping at the wetness that glistened in blonde curls.

Emma moaned, her chest heaving in anticipation as hot breath cascaded down onto her core. "Regina..."

She felt the brunette chuckle against her folds and before she could stop herself, she whimpered when Regina pressed the flat of her tongue against her, licking her length up her slit before just barely grazing her sensitive nub.

Her eyes shut as she focused on Regina's mouth against her, the way her tongue moved deftly and effortlessly in and around her, soaking her up and building up the sweet tension deep in the pit of her stomach. When Regina took Emma's clit into her mouth, sucking the bud fiercely and adding two fingers into her wetness, the blonde moaned out, her legs closing around Regina's head trapping her there as her pleasure built.

The brunette didn't mind as she lapped furiously at Emma, twisting her fingers further into her tight heat.

"There!" Emma grabbed the brunette's head with both hands, keeping her pressed against her, needing to feel her everywhere as Emma hurdled over that final edge.

Her legs released the older woman, but her fingers still played in sweaty locks as Regina lapped up the last of Emma's wetness, giving her entrance a final peck for good measure before making her way up to Emma's face.

Regina grinned, satisfied at Emma's reactions as her still clothed body pressed hotly against the woman below hers. She tucked a slick strand of yellow hair behind Emma's ear enjoying the quivers of her body as she waited to see green eyes once more.

"Was that your favourite spot?" Regina asked huskily, her face mere centimetres from Emma's as her fingers continued to stroke and tease the still sensitive body.

Emma's eyes shone with a joy that seemed to had fade over the weeks. "No."

"No?" Regina asked surprised and slightly offended.

Before the brunette could argue, Emma captured her lips, feeling the pressure of their mouths fusing together and the warmth of the other woman's mouth as her tongue explored happily. Keeping their lips pressed together, she spoke softly. "This is."

* * *

"Henry, eat your vegetables," Emma said over dinner two nights later.

"You never ate your vegetables," the boy pointed out sulking at his plate still full of veggies.

"The perks of not being able to taste," Emma joked popping a steamed cauliflower into her mouth. Months ago, Regina had to fight both Henry and Emma to clear their plates of greens, but now Emma ate them willingly finding no reason to separate a nice juicy steak from boring vegetables.

She put her palm over Regina's thigh in reassurance when the older woman sighed uncomfortably at the joke.

Henry glanced up warily at his blonde mother, not wanting to disobey her wishes and dug into his vegetables without further complaint.

* * *

Emma knocked on Henry's door that night just as the boy was putting away the last of his homework. She stepped in when he looked up and walked over to his desk, flipping through his science textbook.

"The ecosystem, huh?" Emma asked looking down at the diagrams of plants and animals.

Henry nodded. "We're learning about the food chain."

She sat on the foot of his bed, dropping down harder than she intended. "You're so smart, you know that right?"

"Thanks, Ma," he grinned shyly from his seat.

Emma wrung her hands together nervously before looking up. "You know I always wanted you, right?"

"I know," Henry nodded. "You gave me up to give me my best chance."

She nodded with a watery smile, recalling the words that he had said to her when she first arrived in Storybrooke. "Yeah. Your mom raised you so well."

The boy fidgeted with his own hands as the silence stretched between them. Emma and Regina had discussed with Henry what happened to his blonde mother and what was supposed to happen, but the topic usually went untouched after that. It was always in the back of their minds, but Emma only truly voiced her concerns in the dead of the night when Henry was sleeping and she could release all her fears to the one person who provided her comfort.

"So did you," he mumbled.

She shot up from the bed and crouched to kneel in front of him, taking his hands into hers. "Don't be scared."

He averted her gaze but she brought it back to her by tugging his chin back gently, leaving her palm against his cheek.

"You're the Saviour," he mumbled again. "You can't..." The word died on his lips.

"I already did my job, Henry," she offered quietly. "The curse is broken, they're regrowing the beans, and your mom, she's not evil."

"But you can't..." He insisted.

She glanced down briefly, willing her shaking hands to calm down as they grasped Henry's tighter. "Sometimes the hero doesn't make it to the end. Sometimes a new hero has to take her place."

"Who else can do that except for you?" He questioned.

She smiled and leaned up to kiss his forehead. "You."

He looked confused, so she continued. "You take care of your mom, be the prince or the Mayor's son, or whatever you want to be. Just don't forget."

She breathed out sharply when his arms wrapped firmly around her neck, his face hidden and his body shuddering as he sobbed quietly. She held him tightly as her own tears fell, mentally memorizing the way his arms circled around her, the way his hair flopped into her face and was in sore need of a cut, and the warm pressure of him hugging her.

There were many nights since his birth where she regretted all the days that passed where he wasn't with her, but she thanked her lucky stars for whatever power gave her this last precious year with her son.

* * *

"Emma?" Ruby greeted confused when she walked into the station, pinning the deputy badge onto her shirt. "What are you doing here?"

"Going to work like a normal person," Emma answered from her office, her feet already up on her desk.

Ruby smirked and leaned against the doorway, motioning to Emma's boots. "Some things never change. How are you-"

"Do me a favour and don't check up on me every five minutes." Emma cut her off quickly. "We are just at work doing normal work things."

"Which in your case involves bear claws," the deputy pointed out.

Emma nodded in confirmation. "Exactly."

"On it," Ruby saluted before turning to leave. She paused momentarily before looking back. "You'll let me know if you're not?"

"After Regina," Emma reassured.

The brunette laughed making a whipping noise before departing the station.

* * *

Emma paced her office, her hands on top of her head to open her airways as she breathed heavily, panting as if she had just run a hundred miles instead of simply sitting at her desk like she had been doing. She coughed violently when she choked on her own spit, her lungs burning as her airways grew narrower.

The bear claws and donuts on her desk went untouched, her stomach churning just at the thought of food even though all she had eaten that morning was a granola bar.

Grabbing her Sheriff's jacket, she walked slowly out of the station, hoping fresh air and a change of environment could help ease the ache in her treacherous body. Flipping her hair out of her collar, Emma walked down Main Street, her hands stuffed into her pocket as she watched the small town bustle with life.

It was strange to think that more than a year ago, Henry had come knocking on her door claiming she was some sort of Saviour and her parents were Snow White and Prince Charming. God, look what a year could do. She had found everything she spent her entire life looking for literally overnight. The overwhelming feeling of her world simultaneously crashing and building had led her straight to Regina's door step that fateful night six months ago after the brunette had run off from the diner. It was the second best decision Emma ever made. The first was staying in Storybrooke. She had found a home in this town, her parents, a family of her own.

And now it was slowly being ripped away from her.

Emma pushed the depressing thought aside. She refused to wallow in self-pity. If she only had so long left, she'd make the most of it.

She smiled and waved, ignoring the tightness in her muscles, as Michael Tillman parked his tow truck in front of Granny's. Nicholas and Ava scooted out from the front. She'd have to remember to invite them over to play with Henry soon.

As she walked by them, the sound of Michael screaming and the screech of a car had Emma turning around quickly.

Nicholas was crossing the street when a car swerved to avoid him, moving into the incoming lane and colliding into the vehicle in it.

Michael ran to collect his shaking son as Emma sprinted quickly to the smoke-covered collision. The driver in the car who swerved kicked open his door with a sickening crunch, collapsing onto the pavement, but the other driver had yet to move. As soon as the smoke cleared, Emma held her breath.

Archie.

She dialed the paramedics yelling into the phone to get their asses there before slamming it shut and attempted to pry open the therapist's door.

"Archie!" She yelled then cupped her face against the cracked glass to see the man unconscious, blood streaming down the side of his face and his glasses thrown off. "Archie!"

She banged her shoulder against the door over and over, but it refused to budge. A crowd had formed, and she could hear the ambulance in the far distance, but she needed to get her friend out immediately, so Emma did the first thing that came to mind.

She shoved her elbow into the window, her jacket absorbing the blow. Luckily the already weakened integrity of the glass was on her side. With three hard pounds the glass broke through allowing her to ease her hand through the small hole in order to release the lock. With great force she pried the door open and managed to drag Archie out of the totaled car just as the ambulance pulled up.

It took an hour for the cars to be removed, for both drivers and Nicholas to be checked out, and for everyone to give their statements to Emma. By the time Regina came to assess and control the damage, yelling at everyone only like a Mayor and Queen could, Emma was on her way over to the brunette when out of nowhere she dropped to the ground with a hard thud.

* * *

A bright light shone in her eyes, and Emma was sure she was dead. She didn't know how, but she just knew from all the movies she'd seen to follow the light.

"Emma." Regina's voice carried to her ears, and she thanked whatever gods were up there that if she had to die, it'd be to the sound of Regina's voice.

The light dimmed, and she briefly panicked, but the distorted image of Regina standing over her began to clear with every blink of her eyes.

"Emma." Regina's head came closer, dried tears stained on her cheeks. "Come back to me. Just like that. Open your eyes."

The blonde sat up slowly as Whale entered the room. "Hey, Sheriff."

"What happened?" Emma asked looking between Regina and Dr. Whale.

She looked down to see that her clothes were gone save for a hospital dressing gown, her right arm bandaged from her hand all the way to her elbow. "What the hell happened to my arm?"

Whale came into her line of vision, easing the blonde woman to swing her legs over the edge of the bed. "Keep looking up, okay?"

Emma looked worried but nodded. She watched as he stepped right up in front of her, prepared to slap the man should he get too fresh. His face furrowed in concentration before glancing down.

Instinctively, Emma looked down as well and caught the doctor's hand on her thigh, not high enough to cause Regina to scold him, but on her thigh no less. Upon seeing it, Emma pushed the man back. "Back off, Whale."

Regina immediately took his place, sitting beside Emma on the bed.

He held her gaze looking up at her sadly before motioning to her arm. "There was glass embedded into your skin for over an hour. You lost a good amount of blood before you passed out."

"What?" Emma gasped out wishing Regina would hold her or something. When she looked down, her hand was already in the older woman's grasp.

Her mouth parted and she shook her head. "No, no, it was just adrenaline. You filled me up on morphine or something."

"Your mechanoreceptors and nociceptors, pressure and pain receptors respectively, in your body are completely shot," he responded professionally. "That area in your brain-"

"It's black, isn't it?" Emma asked angrily glancing upwards before shutting her eyes.

"Emma," Regina said softly beside her.

The blonde turned her head, unaware that her lip was quivering and that tears were streaming down her face.

Regina pressed a palm to her cheek, apology and pain in brown eyes, but despite placing her own hand over the older woman's, Emma felt nothing.

Her tears flowed freely as she gasped out a sob and pulled Regina into her arms tightly, tighter than she ever had before, hoping beyond all hope to have her warmth again, just one more time. She could hear the quiet gasps of shortened breath against her ear, and judging by the the brunette's rigid spine, she could tell Regina was holding back just as fiercely, but no matter what she did, her sensation was gone.

* * *

Emma had been home for three days and already she had bitten her tongue till it bled profusely twice, tripped down a few steps on the stairs, and touched a heating pot, blisters adorning her already stitched up arm.

Despite refusing to show any kind of weakness around Henry, Emma had closed in on herself. Though if that was due to her recent loss of touch or the fact that Emma was losing weight rapidly, her body fat being consumed in place of the food she was barely eating, it was hard to tell. All Regina could do at night was reassure her, comfort her in any way she could.

Judging by the lack of expression as of late, Regina was almost glad for Emma's outburst that night.

Regina found her in their washroom, coughing into the sink violently. She rushed into the room, clearing her throat loudly to indicate her presence. She bit her lip when Emma spat, her saliva tinged a dark pink.

"Are you okay?" Regina asked tentatively when Emma straightened.

"Am I okay?" Emma scoffed. She pushed passed Regina to pace the still dark master suite. "Of course I'm okay, Regina. I'm friggen Superman over here!"

The brunette stood in the light of the bathroom, watching the woman pace back and forth.

"You could stab me right now, and I wouldn't feel a goddamned thing. I wouldn't even flinch, and you know what's the scary part?" She paused, green eyes fiery and wide. "I used to be able to tell when my body hurt, or something felt wrong, or if I needed to lie down, but I can't feel that anymore!"

"Emma," Regina walked up to her and held her flailing arms down, forcing the blonde to look at her.

The blonde shook her head and shut her eyes as she glanced down. "I could go to sleep and not wake up."

Regina tried to hold in her tears as she held Emma, once strong and confident now weak and uncertain. She moved her hands up to Emma's shoulder, tugging her head up and holding her face in her hands, her eyes waiting for green ones to open.

The blonde kept shaking her head until she finally opened her eyes, tears streaming down her face once she registered that Regina was holding her.

She closed the gap between them, watching as her hands wrapped around Regina's waist, glancing at the older woman's expression to see if she was holding too tightly. When Regina revealed no sense of discomfort, she gently eased her head forehead, waiting for Regina's nod to indicate that their foreheads were pressed.

"I can't taste you," Emma whispered, her voice croaking. "I can't smell you. I can't touch you. What kind of Saviour am I?"

"Mine," Regina answered simply, her answer confident as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

She reached around her waist, bringing Emma's palms up to her lips and kissed the paler than usual knuckles all the while keeping jade eyes on her own. "Come."

Slowly she led her to their bed, easing the blonde woman to sit in the middle of it before removing her clothes methodically and donning her silk negligee. Once at the bed, she crawled over to Emma, maintaining their eye contact, then sat up guiding the blonde into her lap.

She stroked her fingers down Emma's face, nails scraping lightly down her jaw. The move used to make Emma shiver, but the blonde remained stoic and disheartened.

"You're so warm," Regina whispered leaning her head in. "And soft." She took Emma's hand and put it against her own cheek, nuzzling the palm. "My face is pressed against your hand, smooth, comforting."

She slowly brushed her lips against Emma's and remained close, breathing the same air. "My lips are plump and soft against yours. Wet. Full. Waiting."

Tentatively Emma brushed her lips against Regina's, but when she closed her eyes she stopped, pulling her head back in shame. "I can't feel you." She shook her head. "Every time I close my eyes it's like nothing is around me. Like you're not even there."

Regina bit her quivering lip before pressing her lips firmly against Emma's stealing the younger woman's air in a desperate attempt to make her  _feel_  something. "Keep your eyes open."

The blonde gulped watching as a single tear fell from Regina's eye. Carefully, she moved her hand to the brunette's cheek, wiping the offending smear away as gently as she could.

"Stay still," Emma whispered waiting for Regina to nod. When she did, Emma kept her gaze steady on Regina's pulse point, pressing her lips tentatively to it. "Tell me if I hurt you."

"You can't," Regina answered quietly, her hand weaving into Emma's hair acting as a guide.

"Regina," the blonde scolded playfully despite the situation.

The brunette nodded gasping out when she felt a tentative flick of Emma's tongue on her skin. "Harder."

Emma kissed at Regina's skin, focusing all her attention on the slowly purpling mark on otherwise olive flesh. She groaned deep in her throat when she heard Regina whisper sultry directly in her ear.

"You're kissing harder, adding teeth to the mix," Regina breathed out as she narrated Emma's actions. "Do more."

On command, Emma nipped harder than intended making Regina moan out at the pleasure and pain.

The brunette held Emma firm into her neck breathing into the blonde's ear. "Your fingers are pressing hard at my waist, making my skin hot. It's like I'm on fire."

Emma's fingers dug deeper, nearly piercing skin as she moved her lips to the brunette's collarbone. She pulled back, her hand still gripping Regina's waist as the brunette panted heavily. "Where's your favourite spot?"

Regina smiled tugging Emma's shirt to bring the blonde closer and attach their lips. "Same as yours."

Emma breathed into Regina's mouth, her eyes kept firmly on Regina's face as she spoke sadly. "I can't feel it anymore."

The brunette shook her head, putting Emma's hand over her heart while putting her own hand over the blonde's. "You can't feel that?"

Emma shook her head sadly.

"No," Regina said. "Not the beating. Do you love me?"

Emma's eyes snapped up to Regina's questioning gaze. "Yes."

"Do you know that I love you?"

She nodded.

Regina smiled again, more sure than ever. "That's all you need to feel."


	5. Sight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One
> 
> AN: I'm sorry for the long wait. I've been pretty sick lately and have been MIA. This chapter is slightly different and focuses more on Regina. Thank you all for sticking with the story. There's one more chapter after this one. You guys are so great and amazing!

Throughout the weeks, Emma had been visited by nearly everyone in Storybrooke. They all came up with some excuse to see her, but Emma knew. They wanted to say goodbye before it was too late.

Archie came to see her immediately after being released from the hospital, Ruby attempted to take Emma out to the Rabbit Hole for one final night out only to have the blonde go home only ten minutes in when Ruby thought she looked like she was about to faint. Snow and Charming tried to spend as much time with her as possible with Snow nearly in tears every time she simply looked at Emma. They had just gotten their daughter back. It just wasn't fair.

Emma was nearly skin and bones. Her once toned body was reduced to thin and discoloured flesh. She bruised too easily and her body's temperature would change sporadically from blazing hot to freezing cold. Though she never complained about it, the blonde had begun wheezing and most times she had to squint to ease the fogginess in her eyes.

No one questioned it when Emma broke out her thick rimmed glasses.

Regina and Henry tried their best to go about their lives normally for Emma. They established quite the strict routine with Regina staying home with Emma as the family had breakfast, dropped Henry off at school, followed by activities that Emma was capable of doing, but mainly, the couple found themselves walking around Storybrooke, Emma's arm wrapped in a vice-like grip around Regina's shoulder with the brunette sidled up into the younger woman's side.

Emma would keep her eyes locked on Regina just to make sure the brunette was still in her reach as they talked and strolled, taking breaks every so often just to make sure Emma was okay.

Despite the attempt at normality, Emma's condition remained on the family's mind every time Emma had to cut her meals into tiny pieces just to make sure she swallowed properly, every time the blonde jumped whenever someone hugged her from behind because she didn't see or hear them coming, or every time the blonde couldn't move her limbs due to the weakening of her muscles.

Although Emma had tried to make light of the situation with a half-hearted attempt at calling herself Superwoman, Regina could see the emotional turmoil behind pained jade eyes. At night, neither woman wanted to sleep, not wanting to waste what precious time they had and instead would talk for hours, Emma holding Regina's palm in front of her face to trace patterns into the skin or just staring at the face of the woman who captivated her heart, burning the image into the deepest parts of her brain, protecting it from whatever magic-eating illness buried inside her.

Regina scrubbed furiously at the already spotless dish in her hand making her hands raw and numb. Emma thought it would be a good idea for Regina to have some fresh company while she spent the afternoon with her parents, so she invited the older blonde over. Kathryn, however, was no adequate distraction from the naturally paranoid mind of Regina Mills.

They had talked pleasantly during lunch, Regina making it a point to avoid the topic of Emma at all costs, but as soon as her friend had started talking about her wedding, Regina cut her off and excused herself to take care of the dishes, deeming her help as unnecessary.

Her hands shook as it clutched the steel wool tightly, the coarse material digging into her skin reddening the flesh. She sniffled and used the back of her hand to wipe at her nose as she scratched the design of the plate clean off.

"I thought that was your favourite china," Kathryn commented softly from the doorway of the kitchen.

Regina dropped the plate, startled, the glass breaking into three large chunks.

"Oh no," Kathryn gasped running towards the mess.

"It's fine," Regina dismissed, crouching to the ground to pick up the pieces. "It's just a plate."

"Regina..." the blonde said softly.

"It could have been worse. Ow!" She pulled her hand back when a thin trickle of blood dropped from her index finger.

"Regina," the other woman tried again, picking up the last of the pieces and placing them on the counter. She wrapped a dish towel around the brunette's finger and held her hand tightly in her grasp. "Emma-"

"I said I didn't want to talk about it." Regina whipped her hand back and stood, tossing the towel into the sink much too fiercely as she flexed her palm and let the blood ooze out, a stinging pain pulsating in her finger.

"Who else do you talk to about it?" Kathryn pressed.

Regina turned around suddenly, a snarl on her face and her eyes dark. If ever there was a moment where she was the Evil Queen embodiment it would be this one.

"I'm not suppressing the issue as you may think, princess," Regina spat. "I am all too aware of what is happening to Emma. I have scoured through every medical journal and spell book and have talked to Emma about harnessing her magic, but all that proves to do is make her worse. Perhaps for just a few hours I would have liked a moment of distraction from the fact that to this day, every single person that I have ever loved has died. Perhaps I would have liked a moment to forget the fact that Emma can't even feel her own tongue in her mouth let alone my touch on her skin, and forgive me for not being overly enthusiastic about your wedding to the man you're technically already married to because I'm too busy picking out caskets with my significant other!"

Regina panted heavily, her shoulders rising and falling with each intake of breath, her eyes on fire yet simultaneously moist with unshed tears. Before she had any sense to say anything, Kathryn grabbed her by both shoulders, pulling her into a tight hug.

The brunette resisted, pushing back on the smaller woman's shoulders but found her hold tighten. As soon as Kathryn pressed Regina's head gently down onto her shoulder, the older woman broke.

The tears poured freely now, the dam she had erected to keep them back had finally cracked as the salty wetness slid down the brunette's cheeks and dripped down onto Kathryn's shoulder. Regina hugged back tightly, sobbing into her friend's neck as they stood embracing in the middle of her kitchen. Her chest heaved, Regina gasping for breath as the cries continued to push past her defences with a force she couldn't handle, a force she never wanted to feel again but knew in time it would return and she would be inconsolable.

It was long minutes before Regina's sobs quieted, the blonde saying nothing except offering the comfort of her embrace and the support that she was there.

Pulling back, Regina turned her back to Kathryn, splashing her face with water to erase the evidence of her momentary weakness.

"Regina," Kathryn said placing a hand on the other woman's back. "You don't need to be the strong one all the time."

The brunette held the edges of the sink, her knuckles turning white as she watched the water swirl down the drain. "I have to."

"Who said?"

"If I'm not then Emma will become frightened, and she's already lost so much." She lifted her head to face her friend. "She has given me so much. The least I can do is be strong for her, but it's just..."

"Hard," Kathryn filled in for her.

Regina held herself, walking a few paces away. "Sometimes I wish I never fell in love."

The brunette tuned out her friend's compassionate sigh, her attempt to persuade her against her thoughts. It was true, though. If Regina never fell in love, then her loves would never meet cruel ends. The pain from the loss was something she was all too familiar with, but it just wasn't fair to those whose only crime was that they loved her back. If she could have spared Emma, and even Daniel, the agony, she would have.

The blonde tentatively placed her hand over the brunette's, loosening the older woman's grip on her waist and clasping both hands around it.

Regina ignored the fact that her hand was shaking, that her body felt numb, and how good it felt to cry. When the tears escaped this time, she wasted no time to initiate the hug between herself and her friend.

Despite the comfort Kathryn provided, panic settled deep within her core when she looked up from her friend's shoulder to see Emma standing by the entrance of the kitchen, her mouth parted and a mixture of shock and confusion written on her face.

* * *

Emma had spent a couple of hours with her parents ignoring the fact that Snow was taking pictures at any opportunity she could find. Everything Emma did called for a picture, whether it was the fact that Emma was wearing a new shirt (loose over a much too thin body) or just by the fact that Emma had shown up.

She knew the reason why her mother went through so much trouble preserving the time they spent. Being separated for 28 years then reunited for over a year only to be taken away again, permanently this time, hurt a lot for the token couple of True Love.

She was browsing through the scrapbook Snow had put together, finding herself getting choked up on their earlier friendship photos when Snow had simply been Mary Margaret to photographs from just last week when she and her parents, Henry and Regina had taken the boy to the park.

Even through the pictures, Emma could make out, though barely since her vision had begun to fog, the change in her appearance. Her once vibrant yellow curls faded to a stringy off-coloured blonde. Her cheeks were now sunken in, and she was now half her size.

She removed her glasses, rubbing at them to try to focus her vision but found it futile. Having had enough, Emma shut the scrapbook and asked to be taken home. They drove her back to Mifflin, engulfing their baby girl in the tightest hugs. She never told them she couldn't feel their touch. Why hurt them even more? Instead she let them hug her to what she assumed was as tight as possible given their heartfelt sigh.

When she quietly let herself into the mansion Emma immediately knew something was off when she entered. Shutting the door silently, she heard it.

Someone was crying.

When she heard Kathryn's soft tone, she could only assume it was Regina who was the one shedding tears. She silently tip toed through the halls at a quick pace but stilled just outside the kitchen entrance when she heard Kathryn continue.

"You don't have to be the strong one."

Emma was about to step into the kitchen when she heard Regina sniffle. "I have to."

The hidden blonde looked down, guilt settling deep in her gut.

"Who said?"

"If I'm not then Emma will become frightened, and she's already lost so much. She has given me so much. The least I can do is be strong for her, but it's just..."

"Hard."

Emma exhaled sharply, watching as her forehead connected softly with the wall in resignation as she listened.

"Sometimes I wish I never fell in love."

Emma's head snapped up at that, and she walked just into the kitchen, needing to see Regina to confirm what she had heard.

She knew Regina had never once complained about the change in her circumstances and had always been there for every appointment, for every ache and pain, for every day she grew closer and closer to the end.

She never knew the brunette resented her for it.

She caught Regina's eye when the older woman looked up from her friend, and all Emma could offer was an apologetic shrug before turning away.

"No, Emma. Wait."

Regina pulled away from Kathryn and followed her girlfriend, jogging the extra steps to get in front of her.

"Where are you going?" Her voice was shaky and hoarse, panic laced through it.

Emma avoided her gaze. "I think I'm gonna stay with my parents for a while."

"What?" Regina searched her eyes. "Why? What did you hear?"

Kathryn sidled up to the foyer, squeezing Regina's arm who kept her gaze steady on Emma's. Neither woman noticed as Kathryn silently left the house.

Emma shook her head, her glasses sliding down her nose. "I don't want to be a burden to you."

"That's not what I said." Regina stepped forward, cupping the younger woman's face between her hands.

"I can still hear, Regina," Emma said defensively.

"Then you heard wrong."

Emma snapped her head up, sad eyes now curious for Regina's explanation.

"I haven't had much luck when it comes to love," the brunette started slowly, unconsciously taking a step towards Emma to close the gap between them. "Daniel got his heart ripped out, Henry had that deep hatred towards me, and you," Regina paused to stroke her thumbs over Emma's sullen cheeks. "Bad things happen to those I share my heart with."

"You don't have to watch me die anymore," Emma explained.

Regina furrowed her brow before they widened in understanding. She shook her head quickly, pressing her lips to Emma's firmly before pulling back and keeping them close. "You're paying the price for my crimes, and it kills me that it's you and not me."

The blonde shut her eyes in understanding before offering a throaty chuckle. "I'm your Saviour, aren't I?"

Regina led them to the foot of the stairs, sitting them down on the bottom steps then guiding Emma to rest her head on Regina's shoulder.

The blonde's breathing had become a problem and on more than one occasion did she enter into coughing fits that expelled blood. Even under Regina's protective hold, the brunette could feel the brittle bones under Emma's thin layer of skin. She inhaled Emma's scent, committing the blonde to memory.

"I want to save you," Regina whispered into the silence.

"That's my job," Emma replied.

The blonde removed her glasses, rubbing furiously at eyes that were turning red from all the scratching.

"It's mine now," Regina insisted, lacing their fingers together and placing them in Emma's lap for her to see. After a beat, Regina spoke softly. "How much can you see?"

The blonde paused her rubbing with her free hand and replaced her glasses. The clasped hands in her lap looked like a tanned and pale blur. She sighed dejectedly bringing their palms to her lips. "Not much."

Regina nodded knowing Emma couldn't quite make out her form and instead squeezed her bony hand even tighter if only for her own edification.

"You don't have-"

Regina cut her off by tugging her glasses down, slowly approaching Emma so the blonde could see what she was doing and kissed both eyelids.

"I'm not going anywhere."

Emma glanced down briefly before looking back up at the older woman. "I don't regret it."

Regina raised an eyebrow confused.

"Falling in love with you," the blonde explained with a smile. "I'd do it over and over again."

The brunette's eyes watered as she laid her head down over Emma's, sniffling into blonde hair as salty tears dropped from her cheeks.


	6. Sound

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One
> 
> AN: This is the end of this tragedy, so I must warn you that there's a major character death. If anything don't read this chapter and pretend all is well. That's what I would do. I just want to thank you guys who have reviewed, alerted and favourited this story even though it tugged furiously on the heart strings. You guys are brave, and I appreciate each and every one of you.

 

The heart monitor beeped rhythmically in the pristine hospital room. Emma slept in the bed, tubes and wires strapped all around her, a machine breathing for her and a tube feeding her.

Her sight had given out over a week ago when Regina heard Emma crash down the stairs, knocked unconscious from the fall. Ever since then Emma had been admitted into the hospital.

It was now a waiting game.

Regina never left her side. She stayed huddled beside Emma, whispering softly into the blonde's ear as they talked quietly for however long Emma could manage.

Her skin took on a greyish tint from the constricted blood flow meandering weakly through her veins, her hair now devoid of all its golden bounce lay limp and flat about her shoulders, her figure seemed to be simply skin-covered bones.

The doctors estimated any day now, but they had been saying that for the past week and a half, and Regina was conflicted, wanting Emma to stay with her for as long as possible but not wanting to see Emma suffer any longer.

So she waited.

After school, Emma would sit up long enough for Henry to read to her a part of his storybook that had begun her greatest adventure of her life. Her head would loll to the side, dark glasses placed over her face or her eyes permanently shut as she strained to hear Henry's words hoping that she was at least facing him correctly.

Regina would sit off in the corner, letting their son have his time with his mother before his grandparents or Ruby would come pick him up for the night leaving Regina to climb into bed with Emma, her fingers clutching Emma's tightly while Emma's lay loosely intertwined with the older woman's. She would press her mouth gently against Emma's ear, placing soft kisses, whispering endearments to remind the blonde that she was still there.

Whenever Regina needed to cry, which was far too often than she would like Emma to know, she'd do her best to keep the sound to a minimum, letting the tears flow freely but keeping the whimpers at bay.

It was the same waiting game every day, and not once did it get easier. Regina once believed that not having anyone was the worst curse imaginable, but she soon realized that losing a love, a True Love, was worse than death. A part of her believed that maybe this time around it would be easier, but after everything she and Emma had gone through, after all the fighting had turned to understanding, she realized this time would hurt a thousand times more.

She lay beside Emma, her head nestled against the blonde's temple just so Emma could hear her breathe. It was late into the evening, so late it was morning. Sleep meant nothing to Regina even though that was most of what Emma was doing. Despite the blonde's lack of energy, Regina was proud of her efforts to give enough time as she could whenever she or Henry were in the room. Emma was truly the Saviour even to her last moments.

The slight stir under Regina's palm was the only indication that Emma had awoken.

"Hey," Emma whispered softly, her voice cracking from strain but relaxing when Regina tilted her chin towards her and kissed her ear.

"Hi," the brunette replied softly.

They were quiet for a moment, the couple enjoying the other's presence until Emma chuckled softly to herself, hacking out a harsh cough when the action became too overwhelming.

"What is it?"

Emma exhaled sharply before responding. "When I was small...the dark scared me."

"And now?" Regina asked worriedly.

"There's scarier things than the dark," the blonde rasped out.

Regina bit her lip, moulding her body to fit into Emma's side as the younger woman lay stock still in the hospital bed.

"I'm sorry," Emma breathed out.

Regina whipped her head up to gawk at the woman underneath her. "For what?"

Despite Emma facing the opposite wall and her limbs laying flat, Regina could feel the struggle Emma was exhibiting in the hopes that she was looking at Regina. Gently, the brunette turned Emma's head towards her, pressing their cheeks together so Emma could hear Regina's breath in her ear.

"Hurting you," Emma answered sadly.

"You didn't," Regina replied confused.

"I'm dying," the blonde said so quietly Regina could barely catch.

The brunette held back a sob and let out a sniffle in its place, clutching desperately at the neck of Emma's hospital gown. She held on tightly, burying her face into Emma's neck and breathing in as much of the younger woman as she could. She held on for all the days she wasn't with Emma, for the months they spent fighting and ignoring their feelings. She held on for every fight they had, for every time she pushed Emma to the edge and forced her out her door. But most of all she held on for all the days she wouldn't have her again, for the days to come when the space beside her bed would be empty once more, her scent forever lingering in the sheets, her memory ingrained in her mind.

She sobbed into Emma's neck, pressing watery lips against the blonde's ear and shuddered. "I'm so sorry. It's all my fault."

The blonde shook her head in the most minuscule of ways. "No."

The brunette just nodded her head profusely. "He wouldn't have hurt you if it wasn't for me."

"Love me?" The question left Emma's lips traveling to Regina's ear causing her to break in her cries.

"I love you," she whispered confidently, fighting through the break in her voice to make sure Emma understood.

"I'd do it again," Emma croaked simply. "And again. And again. For you."

Regina leaned up on her elbows, her eyes red and her face make up free, but the watery smile she gave the unknowing blonde made her recall the Saviour's words that day of the fire in Town Hall.

Never before had she met someone so willing to give up everything  _for her_.

"How'd I get so lucky?" Regina asked hoarsely, her tone doing its best to sound lighter for the blonde's sake.

She grinned when she saw the slightest smirk on Emma's face, a precious reminder that Emma was still fighting with every brittle bone in her body.

"I love you too," Emma said more confident than she ever had in all of her hospital stay.

Regina gave a watery smile before placing a soft kiss against Emma's ear and settling back down into the crook of the blonde's neck. The heart monitor continued its rhythmic pulse again before Emma whispered out softly.

"Would you marry me?"

The brunette shut her eyes but remained clutched into Emma's side. "Yes."

"What-" Emma stopped to gather her breath. "What would it...be like?"

"A train wreck," Regina admitted with a watery chuckle as she traced the ring finger of the younger woman's left hand. "Your mother would want to help, and I would devise ways to undermine her, and you would be caught in the middle."

Emma released a breath that constituted as a laugh before speaking hoarsely. "Big wedding?"

"We'd try," Regina said after a beat imagining it all in her head. "We'd fight over the flowers, and the food, and the seating arrangement. I'd want roses, salmon, and your mother to sit in the kitchen. You wouldn't care less about the flowers, want steak, and we'd fight about your mother in the kitchen. I think you would wear a dress."

"Mmhmm," Emma mumbled.

The image of the wedding came together in Regina's mind. In the past she had always been the one to walk down the aisle towards Emma, but now, all she could see was the beautiful blonde encased in white with a beaming face as she took careful steps down the aisle towards Regina.

"Your mother would want to put you in a princess ball gown, but I think mermaid style suits you. You'd be clutching your bouquet of roses, Charming on your arm, your eyes on me as you walked down the aisle, not once tripping over," Regina said as she leaned up ever so slightly watching the way Emma's brow furrowed hoping she too was picturing the image. "Henry would be in his little tuxedo, itching to get out of."

"Bow tie?" Emma added.

"Yes," the brunette grinned. "I used to dream about my wedding day, but I don't think I would remember a thing with you staring at me throughout the ceremony and the reception."

"You started it," the blonde let out a soft chuckle.

Regina's eyes misted over as she sniffled, tracing her fingernails down the side of Emma's face. "And then we'd be married. We'd go home with our son, and we'd be together and happy."

"Kids?" Emma asked. "Like you."

The brunette swallowed thickly at the image of a little baby girl with dark brown curls and eyes to match. Her voice caught in her throat. "Yes. A little girl."

Regina sniffled again, a tear drop falling on Emma's cheek. By the time it hit pale flesh, Regina released an anguished sob.

"Don't cry," Emma pleaded.

"You can't ask me that." The brunette shook her head clutching at Emma's hospital gown even more tightly.

"Not going anywhere," the blonde whispered.

Regina shook her head more fiercely as another sob overtook her.

"You love me." Emma's words held no question, only fact. "I love you."

The brunette nodded despite herself.

"Then I'll always be here."

* * *

It happened under the cover of darkness three nights later. By some internal force, Regina was ripped awake from her restless sleep when she noticed how cold Emma had felt. She sat up abruptly, sliding out of bed and clutching the younger woman's hand as if by mere contact alone all would be well.

The game was over and Emma had lost.

Nurses let her mourn over the blonde's body as they made phone calls to her parents. It was hours later, when the sun had peaked over the horizon signalling a new day, did Regina finally remove herself from the room, locking herself in the bathroom before Kathryn was finally able to calm her down enough to leave.

She knew it was coming, and it was still the worst pain imaginable.

Regina was no stranger to loss. Too many people had been ripped away from her life, some by her own hand, all because she had loved them. As her fingers trailed down Emma's lifeless face, her face that looked relaxed and carefree, she felt that pain from old loss resurface. But Emma's voice rang out in her head.  _Not going anywhere_. It'd be too easy to revert back to her ways as an Evil Queen, to wreak havoc on the world that caused her love's death, but she couldn't. She didn't want to.

Emma was still with her.

She shut her eyes and placed the softest of kisses on Emma's lips, a tiny part of her hoping beyond all hope that green eyes would flutter open once more, but they never did. She pulled the sheet over her young lover's face, lingering just a moment longer in the hospital room before exiting into the waiting room where the Charmings and Henry sat in inconsolable tears.

The boy ran up to her, hugging her tightly around the middle as he sobbed into her stomach. She removed his vice-like grip before bending down onto her knees and pulling him into a fierce hug as he reclaimed his grip around her neck instead.

* * *

It had been a week since Emma's funeral. More than once Regina drove herself into organizing a perfect memorial service, an ironic task in and of itself, only to suddenly break down from the realization of who she was planning it for. The day came and went with nearly everyone in Storybrooke coming out to bury her. To most, she was the Sheriff, protecting the streets from petty crimes and a friendly face to say 'hi' to in the mornings at Granny's. To others, she was the Saviour, responsible for setting them free from their cursed lives and reuniting them with their families. To Snow and Charming, she was their daughter, an intelligent young girl who grew up to be everything they had hoped even if time wasn't on their side. To Henry, she was his mother, doing her best by him even when she had nothing to offer. To Regina, she was Emma, the holder of her heart and the one person who ever understood her - all of her - and loved her for it despite every flaw and carefully masked imperfection.

Regina told Emma as much when speaking at her funeral. To say many had feared Regina's wrath in the past would have been an understatement, but watching the broken woman break down again at the podium made them wonder what would happen this time. They were surprised to see her kneel by her grave, tears openly streaming down her face as she whispered words meant only for Emma's ears.

She hoped that with time life would become easier. Sitting by her vanity, staring at a picture of herself and Emma during simpler times, hearing the blonde's voice whisper in her head, she took a deep breath to release the anger she felt from her loss.

_Not going anywhere._

It was true. Emma invaded her thoughts and lingered within the walls of everywhere she went. Her scent remained in her pillows. A mixture of cinnamon and vanilla and something entirely Emma. She could hear her laughter every time she walked into Granny's, the blonde and the brunette waitress constantly getting reprimanded by the owner herself. The memory of Emma's lips on hers for the first time was permanently engraved in her mind she could swear she could feel her lips bruising from the memory alone, could taste the blonde's chapstick.

Emma wasn't hurting anymore, and that was the most important part. Regina couldn't damage her memory by being angry at the world. She had done that already, and it had taken too much to mend her back together. It had taken too long. Regina pushed the thought of wasted months away from her mind and caressed a finger down the photograph - a silly thing of Emma forcing Regina to stay in the shot and tickling her sides to get her to smile.

No, she could never be the Evil Queen anymore. Not when Emma died for her. Not when Emma stared up at her through Henry's eyes. Not when Emma still lived and loved happily in her heart.


End file.
